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  • Writer's pictureCorinne Solomon

Top Ten Reasons NOT to Vote in Person in November

The government doesn’t want you to vote in person. The government loves you and only wants what is best for you, obviously. By the government, we also mean the massive NGO network working on behalf of the government that is focused on making sure you stay home and drop your ballot in a box. It’s for your safety, after all.

Here are the Top Ten Reasons NOT to Vote in Person in November.

  1. It Takes Too Long. It can take like 10-15 minutes. Besides, there might be a line, and lines totally bum you out.

  2. The Polls are Only Open for 12 Hours on Election Day and They Might Close the Polls on You. Sure, they have to let you vote if you’re already in line, but who has the time to make that narrow window?

  3. There’s Still a Pandemic. Biden said it was over (no take backs!) but Covid might be lingering on surfaces of voting equipment. Best not to risk it since Covid was the most deadliest pandemic ever.

  4. Just Thinking About That Germy Voting Equipment Has Triggered Your Anxiety. Get to a safe space immediately.

  5. Voting in Person is Racist. Obviously. #Solidarity

  6. If You Vote in Person, They May Check For ID. See number five.

  7. You Want to Keep Building Back Better. The enhanced vote-by-mail of 2020 gave us the current administration that has given us double digit inflation and brought us to the brink of WW3. Why would you change course now? This is awesome!

  8. The Postal Service is Totally Trustworthy. Sure, you wouldn’t mail your niece a one hundred dollar bill in the mail because that’s not safe, but you can’t venmo in your vote! Besides, it’s not like ballots have value.

  9. You’re Piloting an Adopt-A-Mule Program in Your Community. You’re so committed to helping the poor and underserved communities, and you’re investing in hundreds of jobs.

  10. You Believe in Your Ballot’s Journey. If you cast your ballot in person on election day, it just gets counted and that’s it. Why deny your ballot the opportunity of being moved all over the state and handled by potentially hundreds of people before it’s counted? It deserves the adventure! Run free little guy!

NOT SATIRE: Drop boxes are insecure and have no chain of custody. The Postal Service cannot be trusted to deliver cash through the mail, but we are expected to trust them with our Democracy? Our Republic? Our Freedom? Voting in person means that you show up, cast your vote, and confidently know that it will not be passed around, manipulated, or lost in the system.

Keep your vote safe by voting in person. We can all protect our elections by treating our vote as the sacred duty and honor that it is. Show up and vote in person. Learn more at

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